Currently, the score is vicious stinging bee 3, James 5. Here’s how I break it down:
Bee
(+1) – The bee gets a point for stealth tactics, stinging me immediately as I walked out my front door. This is second sting in the last two weeks I’ve gotten, so their secret nest must be nearby.
(+1) Quick sting tactic — never saw it coming.
(-1) Bee stung me in the middle of my left forearm. While painful, he could have planted his stinger in a more tender area such as an eyeball, lip or funny bone.
(+1) 24 hours later and the welt on my arm looks like I blocked a Randy-Johnson thrown mango. The current welt is 3.5 inches long, so the bee must have saved up some serious sting juice.
(+1) The bee is dead, which seems like it might be a minus but in the bee world, he’s a martyr. Maybe he will ascend to meet a gorgeous queen bee with 72 compound eyes or whatever bee-ish Elysian Fields await.
(-1) The poor dope thought I was a threat to his nectar, pollen or honey. I can buy honey in an adorable little bear-shaped container and truth be told, I’ve cut down on both pollen and nectar in my diet. I think he was just looking for an excuse to sting.
Total Score = 3
James
(+1) For not screaming like a frightening school girl after getting stung. No infant-style pinwheeling of the arms in a manic state, just a calm handling of the situation.
(+1) Unlike the bee, I’m not dead. Yet.
(+1) Defeated the bee mid-sting by punching, not slapping the fiend to his death. Brilliant accuracy meant I didn’t push the detached stinger deeper into my skin. A simple pluck and both stinger and deceased bee lay wasted on the ground.
(+2) Took the bee sting instead of Fremont, who likely stirred up the nest.
(+1) Left behind bee corpse as a warning to other uppity bees.
(-1) Had to run arm under hottest possible water to draw histamines to skin surface so I could actually get any sleep.
Total: 5
Since this was round two, I think I’m still ahead on points but if the bees combine their forces I could be in a welty world of hurt. Stay tuned for more man vs. bee action!
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Update: looks like I may need to call in the big bug guns — no easy way to defeat a ground dwelling nest!
You get about a million points for the “not screaming like a girl” part if you ask me.
ALSO: Yes, exterminator time (Although I think my dad somehow self-excavated a nest that some bees had built near those stairs leading to our deck. Scary stuff either way though.
Tonight is the night — I’m getting some spray and dirt, gonna put a puff of spray in the nest then a pile of dirt to block the entrance. I actually feel a little bad — until I look at the welt on my arm that is still there 5 days later.