There may be no section of the populous more hated than meter readers. In the meter maid we see an individual that possesses a freakishly serious, devoted, and no-nonsense approach to a job whose only purpose is to make people's days worse. It's as if they are being rewarded with a satchel of gold dubloons for every ticket handed out, but punished by the tearing off their fingernails should they miss a car that has been over-parked at a meter for 41 seconds. I can only think there must be some unspeakable punishment for the rare meter-reader who lets the guy still physically in his car pull away without slapping a stupid fine on his windshield. And while they rank below rent-a-cop security guards on both the pay scale and general clout, these unsmiling troopers treat their job with an importance one doesn't see in the medical profession. Merciless in their pursuit of screwing over John Q. Public, there is no doubt in my mind they would ground kittens into cheese dip should their higher-ups command them to do so.

And now we learn why-- apparently meter readers are born without hearts. True story. To sum it up, a meter-maid comes up to a car with an old guy in it, apparently sleeping or dead. Instead of, I don't know, knocking on the window to see if he's OK or calling the real police to investigate, THE GUY GIVES HIM A PARKING TICKET! It turns out he really was dead (or at least he was by the time someone found him). Despite that fact, I bet the meter maid would defend the decision, saying "If he didn't want the ticket, he should have stayed alive, simple as that".

The story has inspired me to continue the development of the mysterious super hero known only as "I BREAK METER-READERS NECKS". That's his formal name AND his job. There's no way you could hate him, as his sole purpose in life is to dispense of soul-less, smug, ticket toters. When speaking of soulless creatures, even vampires have some redeeming qualities--not so for the powerful and cruel meter maid. I BREAK METER READERS NECKS would be a boon for justice and all would delight as he snapped the C7 of that smug bastard who insists on putting a 50 dollar fine on my car for having my front left tire one electron over the yellow line of the library parking space.

Posted by James Dziezynski @ 10:19 AM