Clowns Universally HatedThose of you who remember my old pre-2004 blog may remember my rallying cry for all people who uphold decency and goodness to join the I Hate Clowns website. My cousin Marc seems to distinctly remember the horrifying image of Buffo the Clown tearing a phone book in half. And my Mom and Dad can attest I've been put off by clowns since the day I was born. They've plagued my search for peace and harmony since I first laid eyes on their misshapen shoes and mortifying expressions, as if saying "I'm so sad that I have to kill you!"
The most telling statistic in the article above is that 250 out of 250 people polled hated clowns-- 100%! Even Charles Manson and Donald Trumnp probably couldn't garner a clean sweep in the catagory of loathing. While it's obvious that clowns are agents of evil bent on bringing sorrow and fear into the world, the fact they even exist is a terrifying testament to the depraved souls who continute to carry on this abomindable practice. Heck, in the middle ages clowns were used as dark humor to add a jovial element to that side-slapping, yuck it up phenomenon known as the plague! It makes me wonder why we burned witches at the stake when our firewood could have been put to much better use burning clowns (though the melting visage of dripping red clown hair, bubbling white make up and sizzling oversized bow-ties may provide a lifetime worth of nightmare fuel).
Like a lot of people, I don't find the clown Pennywise from Stephen King's It to be that scary--it's a clown acting like a natural clown, not pulling any punches with a thin ruse of juggling or tumbling out of undersized Speck-sized cars. Murdering and torturing people is what I expect clowns to do.
If anyone can add to the list of activities where your duty is to beat-up clowns, by all means let it be known. You can make the world a better place. Here's a few places to start:
*Sock 'em inflatable clown punch toy/training unit
*Mad Clown (Super Punch-Out!! on the SNES)
*Clown ball toss game (assorted county fairs)
*Gear Clown (Mega Man 2 on the NES)
*Paste a clown picture on a dart board; throw darts
*Clown Stomping Day (observed worldwide)
Good luck and remember, the only good clown is a dead clown--wait, zombie clowns? ArgghhhhHH!!!!
