The weekend allows indulgence in the altruistic notion of love, a genuine joy and warmth of the heart for seeing those you cherish immersed in the thickness of life, the real substance, the very chords that ring true to every level of the soul. It is only in the stillness of the morning, alone and after the ceremonies, that one can begin to share the witness of such things with one's own familiar soul.
In my case, the editing of emotions from the weekend comes with introspective census aimed only at my own relation when removed from the joy. Here, my heart is still frightfully amiss with the love and logic that has caused so much heartache in the last two months; here I feel a loneliness that gets amplified by the vastness of the Colorado landscape so far away from that powerful notion of family. In haste to leave, I grow sad for what I leave behind and what I return to. In my own life, it has only been slight degrees that have meant the difference between fulfillment and sorrow.
I leave behind the happy couple, the exhausted but proud parents, the wise grandparents, and supportive aunts and uncles. Also, I leave behind my cousins, a strength I wish I could give in person for Marc's triumphant but draining battle with cancer. How hard it is to not have him at the wedding; for his family to bravely keep up the good fight as they have.
In the year that has passed since Amy has known Michael, I myself have found love and carelessly let it fade away as I have done with other loves I have known. I've tested the bonds of friendship and kindness, lost myself in self pity, and emerged from great trials with a foreshadowing of hope. Yet it was only home where I feel the genuine strength of my character at Marc and David's house, laughing, forgetful of the hours that pass leading to my return to Colorado, reaffirming the goodness in myself and leaving utterly inspired by the quiet dignity of my family. Where I have foundered in the emotional charter in Colorado, with Marc and Dave I feel no such reservations on the importance of my being.
I only hope that strength is able to germinate itself out here in Colorado to rememdy the situations before me and to give rise to a more authentic self.
"Qui transtulit sustinet";
He who transplants, sustains.
