While waiting at a red light, my '89 Accord shaking violently at idle (thanks to a computer malfunction that would cost 1,000 bucks to repair), I turned up the radio to drown out the sound of pieces falling off my car. As always, I miss the things I want to hear (shows, music, etc) and get thrown right into the thick of a series of obnoxious commercials. On they drone, blah blah blah, low financing, blah blah blah, great rates, until it gets to one particular car company jingle, one of those slogans so annoying and inept you can't help but get it ingrained in your consciousness. And here is the jingle, in all it's glory:
Sound the alert! *honk, honk* Nobody but Burt!
Effective advertising should clue you in to what the product is. Was it Burt Chevrolet, Burt Ford, Burt Industrial Waste Trucks, or Burt Zamboni? I have no idea. What I do know is right after the jingle played once, there was a trademark *click* sound, IE a skipping CD, and then, without mercy:
Sound the alert! *honk, honk* Nobody but Burt! (repeat)
This continued on for a full 4 minutes and 21 seconds!!! Yes, I timed it (we have long red lights out here). Estimating each phrase took about 4 seconds to play, I listened to:
Sound the alert! *honk, honk* Nobody but Burt!
approximately 65 times.
So what was in my head when I woke up this morning, my first thought in greeting this new blessed day?
Sound the alert! *honk, honk* Nobody but Burt!
And what's been rattling around in my skull while I struggle to remember phone numbers and where I left my keys?
Sound the alert! *honk, honk* Nobody but Burt!
It seems that my brain has put HIGH PRIORITY DO NOT ERASE status on this little jingle, right up there with the Juicy Fruit song, the "Thank You for Being a Friend" song from Golden Girls, and the visual image of Balki holding his stuffed sheep Dimetri on the back of a horse drawn cart, holding a sign that reads "America or Burst". Loved ones birthdays? Lost in neural transition. The pin number to my debit card? Not so vital. My blood type? Who knows? What day of the week is it? A mystery to be sure. But what is my response, should someone sound the alert?
*honk, honk* Nobody but Burt!
I can picture it now. As a I lay on my deathbed, racked with old age and feeble of mind, my loved ones gather around me. As I fade in and out of consciousness, unaware of my own name, trying in vain to remember the concerned faces hovering above, for a moment I slip into lucid thought for one last breath on this mortal coil. My glazed-over eyes shimmer with a flash of defiant recognition. I tilt my head and motion them to draw near. As I struggle to fight the waning spirit in my soul, the last fibers of my brain hear a foggy, familiar voice whisper in the distance, "Oh thank goodness, he's awake and alert"
And my last words, uttered out of pure reflex are:
*honk, (cough) honk* Nobody but Burt! (Dies.)
