Red toros and bag attachments,
John Deere, Yard Machines and versatile blades,
Cutting thatch, weeds, glades,
Now I dream of tiny Troy Bilt
And the trodden sod and sweet, bitter
Dandelion
Chaff.
Yup, I've been doing nothing but working, coming home and working, mostly on my epic lawn mower project. I've been trying to squeeze in Titan Mode in God of War 2 though my thoughts frighteningly drift to visions of variable speed cutting blades and contoured, load bearing suspension saddles.
Along with that, I'm freelancing an article on St. Lucia from my most recent visit. I'm trying to work in a great quote from one of the waiters I chatted with at Coconut Bay. Great guy, that Gerald and he offered up this observation after his first visit to the states:
"I have a question--why do people in the USA insist on calling black people "African-Americans?" I mean there's nothing wrong with black, just like there's nothing wrong with you being white. Plus, people referred to me as African-American! I'm not American and my family has been in the Caribbean for almost 500 years now. And what happens when Americans travel abroad, do they still call black people in England African Americans?"
I agree with Gerald, I don't see anything offensive in calling a black person black. This whole African American thing is just plain silly at best. When used as a descriptor, it ignores actual appearance and for most of us who choose to judge a person on their character, describing them is not something to be afraid of. It would be weird if someone tried to explain my looks to a stranger as "looking like I'm a Coloradan New Englander". They can say I'm short, sideburns, etc and it's all good because that's the way it is.
Anyhow, not delving into a rant I'm just saying some people's efforts to be genteel can be very silly. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to review some lawn mowers of color.
Friday, February 22, 2008
For reasons that are entirely unknown to me, John has asked both Paul L and I to consider this existential question and reply on our blogs:
What would be worse: being a book dust jacket or being a mud flap?
Here's my response, emailed to John on Wednesday:
I agree with Paul, mudflaps are the way to go. It's a hardscrabble life but that's the nature of being a mudflap--so it's par for the course to get scratched up, splattered, ripped. And the coolest part is when you're done as a mudflap, you can get recycled into your nemesis, the radial tread tire.
Ponder it if you will, and then ask yourself: would I fall all the way through Jupiter?
If you lived in the tri-state area between 1983 and 1990, chances are you caught one of the 5,678,908,414 showings of The Beastmaster on any of the local access channels around at the time: WPIX 11 and WFOX 5 in NY, WTIC 61 and WTXX 20 in CT or perhaps WSBK 38 out of Boston. The Beastmaster was grade-A public access filler: a Conan the Barbarian knock-off with enough skin for the adults and animals for the kids! How can you go wrong?
I'll tell you how, by killing off the beloved ferret Kodo. You can have all the human sacrifices you want, endless dwarves being slimed into bones by weird birdmen but come on, leave the ferrets alone! Kodo meets his end (which hey, we technically don't see so maybe he lives?!) by jumping on the nape of the evil priest or whatever he was with enough force that his (Kodo) 5 ounce body causes the bad dude to be cast into the pit of fire with ferret still attached. Altruistic and heroic to be sure but did you know that Kodo left a pregnant ferret wife (Podo)? That one brave act meant gone were the days of scrambling across the melon-hard pecs of the leather adorned Beastmaster and the countless hours being carried in Dar's smelly, tattered hide pouch.
On second thought, maybe Kodo knew what he was doing.
Anyhow, I'm not sure what made me think about The Beastmaster other than my co-worker here is pregnant. See, the beginning of the movie has some weird blue-goo-based transfer of the unborn beastmaster into the belly of a cow to protect him from...something. The birdmen? I'm sure the cow must be thrilled with all the leather the Beastmaster wears as an adult--what an ingrate! Marc (with a "C") Singer, AKA The Beastmaster, went on to star in exactly the kind of movies being the lead in Beastmaster will get you.
Here's my response, emailed to John on Wednesday:
I agree with Paul, mudflaps are the way to go. It's a hardscrabble life but that's the nature of being a mudflap--so it's par for the course to get scratched up, splattered, ripped. And the coolest part is when you're done as a mudflap, you can get recycled into your nemesis, the radial tread tire.
Ponder it if you will, and then ask yourself: would I fall all the way through Jupiter?
Thursday, February 21, 2008
If you lived in the tri-state area between 1983 and 1990, chances are you caught one of the 5,678,908,414 showings of The Beastmaster on any of the local access channels around at the time: WPIX 11 and WFOX 5 in NY, WTIC 61 and WTXX 20 in CT or perhaps WSBK 38 out of Boston. The Beastmaster was grade-A public access filler: a Conan the Barbarian knock-off with enough skin for the adults and animals for the kids! How can you go wrong? I'll tell you how, by killing off the beloved ferret Kodo. You can have all the human sacrifices you want, endless dwarves being slimed into bones by weird birdmen but come on, leave the ferrets alone! Kodo meets his end (which hey, we technically don't see so maybe he lives?!) by jumping on the nape of the evil priest or whatever he was with enough force that his (Kodo) 5 ounce body causes the bad dude to be cast into the pit of fire with ferret still attached. Altruistic and heroic to be sure but did you know that Kodo left a pregnant ferret wife (Podo)? That one brave act meant gone were the days of scrambling across the melon-hard pecs of the leather adorned Beastmaster and the countless hours being carried in Dar's smelly, tattered hide pouch.
On second thought, maybe Kodo knew what he was doing.
Anyhow, I'm not sure what made me think about The Beastmaster other than my co-worker here is pregnant. See, the beginning of the movie has some weird blue-goo-based transfer of the unborn beastmaster into the belly of a cow to protect him from...something. The birdmen? I'm sure the cow must be thrilled with all the leather the Beastmaster wears as an adult--what an ingrate! Marc (with a "C") Singer, AKA The Beastmaster, went on to star in exactly the kind of movies being the lead in Beastmaster will get you.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Another one of my new favorites, I was able to catch Life After Humans on the History channel last night. The show presents theories on what our world would look like after a mass annihilation of mankind. The good news is that all those annoying little ankle-biter dogs would be appetizers for predators of all sizes (though most of your "precious" dogs wouldn't last more than a few days without humans to coddle them, feed them, stuff them into purses, etc.) The bad news is all records of our existence would gradually disappear, leaving a universe devoid of Weird Al recordings, ping pong balls and power gloves.
Most of our flimsy buildings would fall apart though there's good evidence the pyramids would endure for quite some time. Of course, there's always the possibility that people would survive in pockets underground but chances are they would be overwhelmed by predators if they dared emerged in small numbers. While it's all theoretical speculation, one can say a world of Carrot-Top lead commandos deserves to fall prey to the powerful jaws of anything that likes carotene-rich snacks (giant, powerful bunnies?)
Anyhow, check it out if you can and remember, you'd be just as tasty as the next meal!
Speak with me long enough and eventually the conversation may turn to the big questions. Right up there with the meaning of life and how people can watch C-SPAN 2 is my endless frustration with Jupiter. Here's my basic question:
If I was to come from outer space in a super strong, element resistant pod akin to the ones George Jetson uses to propel assorted family members out of his car, would I go through the planet (as it's comprised mostly of gas) or would I hit a surface of some sort at the core? I have read from credible sources both scenarios. In one, the planet is merely a swirling ball of heated gas. In the other, there is a tangible surface made of some solid element, perhaps nickel. Other theories have said it may rain diamonds and there may be floating pockets of solid ground in oceans of molten metal.
The bottom line is no one seems to know yet every account seems so certain that its theory is the correct one. In several science specials they mention the "surface of Jupiter" but never allude to what that surface is. It's kind of like when my banker tries to explain to me the benefits of long-term CDs; there's a vague understanding of the idea (it has something to do with money) but that's about it.
So I've had it with Jupiter--are you a gas giant or do you have a solid core that is encompassed by an enormous swirling mass of gaseous storms?! Why play coy, just tell us! If you're nothing more than hot air, don't be embarrassed. Surely you wouldn't get demoted from planetary status like poor Pluto (at least IT has a surface!) And if you do have a surface where I could throw a frisbee or do push-ups, let it be known. Otherwise I'm going to have to move my intergalactic kickball game to planet more worthy of not casting me through its airy core into the reaches of outer space.
Most of our flimsy buildings would fall apart though there's good evidence the pyramids would endure for quite some time. Of course, there's always the possibility that people would survive in pockets underground but chances are they would be overwhelmed by predators if they dared emerged in small numbers. While it's all theoretical speculation, one can say a world of Carrot-Top lead commandos deserves to fall prey to the powerful jaws of anything that likes carotene-rich snacks (giant, powerful bunnies?)
Anyhow, check it out if you can and remember, you'd be just as tasty as the next meal!
Friday, February 15, 2008
Speak with me long enough and eventually the conversation may turn to the big questions. Right up there with the meaning of life and how people can watch C-SPAN 2 is my endless frustration with Jupiter. Here's my basic question:If I was to come from outer space in a super strong, element resistant pod akin to the ones George Jetson uses to propel assorted family members out of his car, would I go through the planet (as it's comprised mostly of gas) or would I hit a surface of some sort at the core? I have read from credible sources both scenarios. In one, the planet is merely a swirling ball of heated gas. In the other, there is a tangible surface made of some solid element, perhaps nickel. Other theories have said it may rain diamonds and there may be floating pockets of solid ground in oceans of molten metal.
The bottom line is no one seems to know yet every account seems so certain that its theory is the correct one. In several science specials they mention the "surface of Jupiter" but never allude to what that surface is. It's kind of like when my banker tries to explain to me the benefits of long-term CDs; there's a vague understanding of the idea (it has something to do with money) but that's about it.
So I've had it with Jupiter--are you a gas giant or do you have a solid core that is encompassed by an enormous swirling mass of gaseous storms?! Why play coy, just tell us! If you're nothing more than hot air, don't be embarrassed. Surely you wouldn't get demoted from planetary status like poor Pluto (at least IT has a surface!) And if you do have a surface where I could throw a frisbee or do push-ups, let it be known. Otherwise I'm going to have to move my intergalactic kickball game to planet more worthy of not casting me through its airy core into the reaches of outer space.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
"The teddy bear that holds the 'I love you' heart does not love you at all," Bin Laden said. "It is an unliving, unholy thing filled only with stuffing. Just as the Western infidel is not bestowed with the blessings of Allah, so shall he go unloved by the false bear."
Read the rest here :) Happy Valentine's Day.
Read the rest here :) Happy Valentine's Day.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
It's Darwin Day! Hug a tortoise!
For all of Darwin's scientific accomplishments, one of the things I greatly admire about the man is his courage in the face of seasickness. Reports of his journey aboard the HMS Beagle state the dude was pretty much puking his guts up the whole time, all in the name of science. He gave his lunch so that others may be a little hipper to this whole evolution thing. I might have just stayed in the Galapagos and lived in a turtle nest if I were him.
Being seasick is an awful feeling, it makes me wonder why we aren't better equipped to handle it (speaking of evolution). I understand the body's default mechanism to a whole bunch of bad stimuli is to barf but sheesh. Couldn't we just sneeze or something else less painful than have to endure endless waves of nausea? I've read before that cats rarely if ever get motion sickness because of their keen sense of balance (though they will puke in the car if they are scared-- should our local vet chime in on this one, Amy?) For the record, the only time I puked on a boat was going to see the statue of liberty and it turns out it wasn't even seasickness, though I've certainly been queasy on boats. On a Fort Lauderdale diving trip, I had to lie perfectly still between dives to avoid the dreaded upchuck while those around me hurled into the sea. By the way, rumor has it sharks are more attracted to bile than blood so if you're ever stranded in a liferaft at sea, puke in the boat-- just a little tip to help, you know, keep your genes in good shape and out of the belly of predators.
For all of Darwin's scientific accomplishments, one of the things I greatly admire about the man is his courage in the face of seasickness. Reports of his journey aboard the HMS Beagle state the dude was pretty much puking his guts up the whole time, all in the name of science. He gave his lunch so that others may be a little hipper to this whole evolution thing. I might have just stayed in the Galapagos and lived in a turtle nest if I were him.
Being seasick is an awful feeling, it makes me wonder why we aren't better equipped to handle it (speaking of evolution). I understand the body's default mechanism to a whole bunch of bad stimuli is to barf but sheesh. Couldn't we just sneeze or something else less painful than have to endure endless waves of nausea? I've read before that cats rarely if ever get motion sickness because of their keen sense of balance (though they will puke in the car if they are scared-- should our local vet chime in on this one, Amy?) For the record, the only time I puked on a boat was going to see the statue of liberty and it turns out it wasn't even seasickness, though I've certainly been queasy on boats. On a Fort Lauderdale diving trip, I had to lie perfectly still between dives to avoid the dreaded upchuck while those around me hurled into the sea. By the way, rumor has it sharks are more attracted to bile than blood so if you're ever stranded in a liferaft at sea, puke in the boat-- just a little tip to help, you know, keep your genes in good shape and out of the belly of predators.
Friday, February 08, 2008
I'm still kind of peeved that the Mythbusters claimed to have "busted" the water bottle rocket myth (shown here) without really testing it. Now granted, the YouTube clip does look a little phony but I bet with bigger bottles, there's a chance you can get humans off the ground with the right balance of pressure and power (Paul L, is this a challenge?) Not only did the 'Busters chicken out, they never went the extra step to eventually see what you WOULD need to blast someone into the sky using soda bottles. Kind of lame that they even bothered to show the segment then declare the myth busted without really testing it. What do you think? Real or no?
Also of note: this has really been the year of the death flu. Pretty much everyone I know has been sick--except for me! Instead of taking comfort in my powerful immune system, I'm afraid the virus is saving its best for the grand finale (how's that MST3K Pod People quote go? "I like you Tommy, I'll kill you last.") Granted, I have not had any major (or minor) sicknesses this century so I have a good track record plus I'm mentally convinced I don't often get sick. Add to that, my theory is being around animals makes you healthier is being put to the test here. Just in case, I'm investing in a few phoenix downs.
moar funny pictures
Also of note: this has really been the year of the death flu. Pretty much everyone I know has been sick--except for me! Instead of taking comfort in my powerful immune system, I'm afraid the virus is saving its best for the grand finale (how's that MST3K Pod People quote go? "I like you Tommy, I'll kill you last.") Granted, I have not had any major (or minor) sicknesses this century so I have a good track record plus I'm mentally convinced I don't often get sick. Add to that, my theory is being around animals makes you healthier is being put to the test here. Just in case, I'm investing in a few phoenix downs.
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
moar funny pictures
Monday, February 04, 2008
As much as I want to be bummed out by the Pats getting manhandled in the Super Bowl, I can't help but like these NY Giants. I always love a good underdog, heck I even like Underdog (the old cartoon, not the shameless money-grab CGI movie). In order to find the silver lining in the Patriot's defeat, I present to you the top 10 thoughts on the Giants' improbable victory.
1-Early in the football season, Eli Manning did an "unstoppable" commercial for Citizen watches that received a fair amount of mockery from sports experts. Phrases like "pretentious" and "unproven" were thrown about. Several commented that it was the wrong Manning in the commercials. Then the Green Bay game happened and now the Suepr Bowl where, let's face it, Eli Manning played an incredible game. I just hope Citizen had some money on the game.
2-If I were Manning or Coach Coughlin, it would be wonderful to give a gigantic middle finger to the NY Sports Media, who basically said they suck and are the reason why the Giants are going to be awful until they get a real quarterback and coach. Add to that the free pass and endless man-love for clubhouse-cancer Tiki Barber, who somehow earned "Captain Intagibles" status despite tangibly calling out his teammates.
3-Even if you know nothing about football, it was clear the Giants defense was amped up and out for blood. They made a very solid O-line look like a pack of overwhelmed toddlers. If that whiny, little pissant Phillip Rivers was playing in the Super Bowl, they may have literally killed him.
4-I feel a bit bad for Randy Moss, especially since he's one of my heroes for actually attempting to run over a meter maid. But karma may have been afoot not from that incident but from his lack of effort in Oakland--somewhere, Raiders fans feel just a little bit better.
5-It's funny: when Tom Brady leaves his pregnant super model girlfriend to date some other super model, no one calls him out. It is only when he loses the big game that he earns a bit of scorn. For him and big-earred comtemporary QB Tony Romo, this year was the curse of Victoria's Secret.
6-It's clear Pierre Woods couldn't catch a pillow covered with glue, let alone hold onto a fumble. Where's the Buckner-esque scorn?!
7-A. Toomer on the Giants: you suck. Actually, you're really good but you waited until the playoffs to shine. All those weeks you racked up 2 points on my Fantasy Team in the regular season were just a fluke, right? Right?
8-As history has come to prove, it's fair to say that when they are winning, NY and Boston fans are equally as despicable.
9-I like the Giants "retro" logo, though the previous logo gets points for using the same exact font as old Nintendo Power magazines. If the Pats had just put Pat the Patriot on their helmets again (admittedly one of the ugliest mascots ever) perhaps they would have been humbled enough to focus more on the game. Instead, they went with the robot Elvis logo and history has spoken.
10-It's been two weeks and its nice to see Tom Coughlin's face is almost thawed out from the Green Bay game.
1-Early in the football season, Eli Manning did an "unstoppable" commercial for Citizen watches that received a fair amount of mockery from sports experts. Phrases like "pretentious" and "unproven" were thrown about. Several commented that it was the wrong Manning in the commercials. Then the Green Bay game happened and now the Suepr Bowl where, let's face it, Eli Manning played an incredible game. I just hope Citizen had some money on the game.
2-If I were Manning or Coach Coughlin, it would be wonderful to give a gigantic middle finger to the NY Sports Media, who basically said they suck and are the reason why the Giants are going to be awful until they get a real quarterback and coach. Add to that the free pass and endless man-love for clubhouse-cancer Tiki Barber, who somehow earned "Captain Intagibles" status despite tangibly calling out his teammates.
3-Even if you know nothing about football, it was clear the Giants defense was amped up and out for blood. They made a very solid O-line look like a pack of overwhelmed toddlers. If that whiny, little pissant Phillip Rivers was playing in the Super Bowl, they may have literally killed him.
4-I feel a bit bad for Randy Moss, especially since he's one of my heroes for actually attempting to run over a meter maid. But karma may have been afoot not from that incident but from his lack of effort in Oakland--somewhere, Raiders fans feel just a little bit better.
5-It's funny: when Tom Brady leaves his pregnant super model girlfriend to date some other super model, no one calls him out. It is only when he loses the big game that he earns a bit of scorn. For him and big-earred comtemporary QB Tony Romo, this year was the curse of Victoria's Secret.
6-It's clear Pierre Woods couldn't catch a pillow covered with glue, let alone hold onto a fumble. Where's the Buckner-esque scorn?!
7-A. Toomer on the Giants: you suck. Actually, you're really good but you waited until the playoffs to shine. All those weeks you racked up 2 points on my Fantasy Team in the regular season were just a fluke, right? Right?
8-As history has come to prove, it's fair to say that when they are winning, NY and Boston fans are equally as despicable.
9-I like the Giants "retro" logo, though the previous logo gets points for using the same exact font as old Nintendo Power magazines. If the Pats had just put Pat the Patriot on their helmets again (admittedly one of the ugliest mascots ever) perhaps they would have been humbled enough to focus more on the game. Instead, they went with the robot Elvis logo and history has spoken.
10-It's been two weeks and its nice to see Tom Coughlin's face is almost thawed out from the Green Bay game.
