Last Updated on April 28, 2014 by James Dziezynski
I’m currently wrapping up the new edition of my book Best Summit Hikes in Colorado and in doing so, I’ve gotten to revisit all those wonderful photos from the summer of 2006. Sure there was glory, there was fun but there was also a dark side – and with that I present the Not Top Ten Moments of writing my guidebook.
Great Summit picture, it really captures the nuances of the mountaintop.
10. The Summit Peak Debacle
Summit Peak is one of those peaks in the hinterlands, which is a lot of its appeal. It also explains why the beta on this worthy hike was so crappy. The best information I had was that it was a 6-7 mile round trip hike, mostly on trail. So after a light breakfast and somewhat later start at 6:45 AM, off I went to see what I could see.
Turns out that whole 7 miles thing was one way. There was something of a trail but it was booby trapped every quarter mile by pheasants that would explode out of the brush and nearly make me pee my pants. And because the mileage was longer, I had to hustle to try and outrun the weather. 14 miles is not 6 miles.
When I finally got the summit around 1 PM, a storm was brewing. I was on the summit less than two minutes, which explains this horrible photo where I look like a menacing thug about to beat down a helpless victim with a big stick. In reality, I had time for one photo and my improvised tripod fell over as it was being taken. I had to sprint into the trees and lo, did it rain. And lightning. I had to literally sprint the last 500 yards back to my car across an open field. Oh, and the muddy road back to civilization was flooding so badly, at one point I drove through a “puddle” that was over the windshield. So much for an easy jaunt in the mountains.
Since I was hiking the Devil's Armchair, it made sense that it was guarded by Satan's cows.
9. The Cows of Lone Cone
It’s bad enough Lone Cone is truly in the middle of nowhere, take one wrong turn and you’re on bad turf. You see these are alpine cows, tough mother-udders who aren’t your run of the mill, placid, friendly bovines. No, no, no. These are some angry ungulates and during the course of my hike, three times I had to run and jump over a cattle gate while being pursued by genuinely mad cows. This is why I’m a vegetarian. (As a friend of my mine noted, “Do you think they were bulls?”)
8. That’s What I Get for Leaving Colorado
I only took three days off from May to September to go to the Outdoor Retailer show in Salt Lake City, Utah, mostly so people knew I was alive and to score as many free power bars and energy drinks as I could stuff in my backpack. Since I was touring the San Juans at the time, it was a modest drive to Mormontown, so off I went. I must have angered the Colorado gods for in the middle of the desert – Price, Utah to be exact – my alternator died. Luckily I made to a random Big-O Tire shop where it took the very last of my funds to get a new alternator put in. That’s ok, I was getting tired of eating anyhow.
The best views I had all day on Mount Powell.
7. Wrath of the Gods – and Moose – On Mount Powell
The only day I was turned back by weather was on Mount Powell, where a 9:30 AM maelstrom unleashed a torrent of lightning and heavy rain that lasted all day. In order to safely retreat, I ended up adding 11 miles to an already long day (and I never made the top). After bushwacking through swamps and soaking myself to the core, I arrived back at camp to see two enormous moose licking the rain off my tent. I had to wait another 2 hours in the chilly rain before I could get inside and warm up. Would you try to scare a pair of enormous moose away?
Ahhh, just soak in that scenery. Literally.
6. Nothing to See Here – Blanca Peak
Blanca Peak is a beautiful hike, or so I’m told. My entire summit of Blanca was done in total fog, My summit picture looks like it was taken in a Sears photo studio. I figure the rocks in the foreground gave some validity to the claim of having summited (and oh yeah, I did have a GPS so yes, I reached the top).
5. Wrath of the Ivy Leaguers – Mount Yale
I was really only lazy on one day – I left Boulder at 5 AM to go hike Mount Yale. After dawdling and bolstered by a positive weather forecast, I got on the mountain at 9:30 AM. The clouds did not look friendly. I opted to drop my backpack, take only the barest essentials (camera, GPS, water bottle, GU) and literally jog up the east ridge. I was on the summit all of 30 seconds. I ran back down the ridge and made it to treeline as one of the most violent thunderstorms I’ve ever seen in Colorado ripped apart the dark sky. I sat with a Safeway plastic bag on my head in a ditch under a shrub for almost two hours.
Another great summit photo, this one on Mount Yale as the sky is about to explode.
This is similar to what happened on Treasury Mountain, where I had to hide in shrubs three times from three different storms, but that one… was kind of fun!
4. Melting & Mexican Polkas
The hottest day of my adventure was the drive over to Fools Peak and the Fulford/Charles Lake Trailhead. Ye Gods, it was hot. My black car didn’t have AC, so I drove the 3 hours or so with a bag of ice on my shoulders. When I went to set up my tent in the one shady spot in my campsite (the last one remaining) I was abruptly attacked by a swarm of bee-flys and bitten without mercy. And the worst part was the huge family next to me was blasting Mexican polkas from the time I arrived there until almost 2 AM. And if you’ve heard one Mexican polka, you’ve heard them all. At least it was only 96 degrees out at night.
This car isn't supposed to be here -- the Pacific Peak Trailhead.
3. Adios Exhaust
Here’s a helpful tip for turning your Honda Accord into a Sherman Tank. Take it down any 4×4 that says high clearance vehicles only. This will ensure you knock the exhaust system off and make your 4-cylinder sedan sound like it’s cruising over the battlefields of Ardennes.
2. That Bastard VIP
Before GPS rules were deregulated, it was perfectly legal (and expected) that GPS satellites would be temporarily jammed. When hiking Demming Mountain, I was tracking a class 3 ridge when suddenly I saw my GPS tracks going bonkers – like 900 miles off. According to my GPS logs, the best way to hike Demming Mountain was to start in Frisco, go to Ohio, then continue to the summit. This of course, was because someone important enough was flying overhead to warrant jamming the GPS signals for a little while. The upshot was I had to rehike a large section of the trail to get accurate tracks.
Jody would rather not talk about the truck incident but needless to say, it was a tiring day.
1. How to Make a 4×3 Truck
There’s something surreal to watching the tire of your truck bounce away while you are going 55 MPH and in the vehicle to which the tire was previously attached. But it happened while climbing Fremont Pass. Jody was nice enough to drive her 4×4 truck en route to Storm King Peak when a botched repair job by Toyota for a simple factory recall left her with only 2 or possibly 3 bolts on her front left tire. Zoom, off it went bounding into the woods while the truck mashed down on the rotor. Amazingly, we were able to recover the tire and with the help of some guys, were able to jury rig the tire back on and limp the truck down the pass to Frisco. From there we got a $400 tow to Boulder and immediately brought the truck back to Toyota, where they did $2,000 of work — paid for it all including the tow.
